Arlene Kahn: Working with Individuals, Couples, Addiction/Recovery Issues
Many people believe that an attitude of self-criticism can spur us on to greater achievements; that it can raise the bar of our striving and encourage us to try harder, make fewer mistakes, be the successful people we want to be. Unfortunately, more often than not, self criticism tends to stifle our ability to perform the way we intend or reach the goals we hope for. When we succeed amidst negative feedback it’s often in spite of the criticism rather than …
When asking seasoned married people, “What’s the art of a successful marriage?,” many would say “Marriage has to be a “give and take.” What that implies is that one gives sometimes and at other times, he or she can take. It brings to mind a process similar to going to the bank. I put in 20.00 and at a later time, I can take out 20.00. Unfortunately, it’s the kind of expectation that too often breeds disappointment, hurt, anger or resentment. First, what works better is something more like “Give …
Often, change can be difficult. Unexpected change can be excruciantingly painful, resulting in pain of loss and grief. When able to “stay with it,” through meditation or focusing, the change can resolve into new opportunity for growth. Heraclitus said “No man can step in the same river twice,” meaning universal change is ever present. Buddhism suggests that our difficulty accepting change and separating from our attachments is the cause of our suffering. This post offers four specific strategies for coping with change and grieving.
Two specific guidelines are offered to increase success in situations requiring trust in interpersonal relationships. How one can be seduced into trusting and participate in self-betrayal is also shown. In addition, the importance of listening to one’s own “inner voices” or signal that express caution in situations requiring trust is stressed.
Some doctors worry that young, overweight patients are still developing and lap-band surgery can have negative side effects later. In some cases, surgery is being performed on children as young as 12. But, the long term effectiveness of weight-loss surgery, especially stomach banding, is still in question. Dr. Wendy M. Scinta, a family practitioner in Manlius, a suburb of Syracuse, specializes in pediatric weight loss. She was quoted in the NYTimes article saying “I think it’s pretty extreme to change …
Men who leave women who become ill may be suffering from childhood trauma around loss of feminine love objects, such as mother or sister. As a result they leave their wife instead of being supportive.
What a question?! Is there room in your relationship to ask that question? Should there be? Yet, that’s the question being asked by Mark Oppenheimer in his New York Times magazine article, Married, With Infidelities ( Sun. July 3, 2011). He reviews the position of Dan Savage, who says that for many couples, monogamy is not right, that it’s not natural. Savage says we’re not honest about how hard marriage is, how hard monogamy is. Oppenheimer quotes Savage in stating that “the goal of marriage, is ‘stability’ and …
As part of a motivational speech Coach Rex Ryan told the New York Jets football team the story of Hernan Cortes, the Spanish conquistador who went to Mexico in 1519 and, despite being outnumbered, ordered his charges to burn the boats they had arrived on! (NYTimes Jan. 8, 2011). In other words, they couldn’t go back. They had to make the commitment, give it all they had, right then and there. In his talk, Ryan also stressed respect and how to …
You can eat what you want, you just can’t eat ALL that you might want, but you can eat ALL that your body wants. The name of the game is Body Attunement. You and your body are attached and there needs to be an attunement to what you want and what your body says is “enough, for now.” That means enjoying what you eat while recognizing your body’s limits. If we give it a chance, our body is our “safe …
A rewarding marriage is possible, despite the statistics. According to the Washington Post Magazine of June 27, 2010, “More than 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is above 60 percent, and it’s higher than 70 percent for folks making their third walk down the aisle.” Learning to love and loving to learn about your marriage is a gift that you can give yourselves and each other. Marriage can be joyful and enriching, but …